Become Ideal Parent

As parents we would never wish ill on our children. In fact, the mere idea of their suffering can make us break out in a cold sweat. We work hard day in and day out to provide a safe, stable environment, and we attempt to give them as many opportunities as we can possibly find. We want our children to live in a beautiful, cheerful world of smiles and splendor. Our love is unconditional and deep. We can watch them sleep and feel our hearts melt. God has given us a great blessing with our children, and we do our best to cherish that blessing with every fiber of our beings.

Every one of us encountered trials and tribulations; unforeseen problems or consequences that may give us pause. Not one of us is exempt from this hard reality. We would not wish for a new cross or hardship to carry, but we would rather it be our suffering than our child’s burden. There are two important points to consider when obstacles arise: 1) adversity can lead to strength and 2) how our own endurance of hardship becomes a model for our children.

Time after time, we can see people fighting through their circumstances to bring something beautiful to life. Watching our children suffer disappointments, not getting invited to a classmate’s birthday party or not making an important team, is painful. However, disappointment is a necessary part of growing up.

Modeling appropriate behavior when things don’t go our way teaches our kids to handle disappointments. For example, you have taken your child on a wonderful vacation. At the end, you ask how he enjoyed the respite, only to hear “It was OK, but a lot of it was boring.” You may be crushed, but you can’t force your own expectations about spending quality time together on your child. The key is to not overreact with a hurtful response, but instead to ask a specific question such as “What was your favorite part of the vacation?” This type of redirection will encourage your
child to see the good parts of the experience. It’s important to step back and let the child use these new skills allowing him to be responsible for his/her own feelings.

Help your child find his/her strengths. One of the most common disappointments children faced is feeling they are not as good as their peers.Failure can turn into a blessing. It can be a motivator to study harder, to practice harder, or to attempt a different approach.

Success is not always about winning, it is more often about finding another path. Help your child find something he or she can be good at that matches his/her interests. If that is not an option, find another way to approach the goal that takes advantage of his/her abilities.

Stress Management

Parenting is a hard job and sometimes we become overwhelmed by the challenges we face. If a happy home for your family is important to you, you will find a way to face those challenges.Try some of the suggestions below:

Don’t put your kids to bed late and hope they will sleep later the next morning.That does not always work and you usually end up with a child that wakes up at the normal time, who is cranky for the entire day.

Instill thankfulness and gratitude in your children. Be sure they thank people who help them. Involve your children in writing thank you notes for gifts and kind deeds that are done for them. (Young children can tell you what they want you to write and older children can write notes on their own).

When your children are doing homework, provide a comfortable, well-lit space near enough for them to ask for help if they need it. Check in with them and see that the work is actually getting done, and offer positive reinforcement.

Establish regular routines, which children both need and thrive on. Uncertainty can make anyone nervous, but children are especially vulnerable to the stress and anxiety that can come with not knowing what is happening. Regular routines will help keep your kids happy and confident.

Use books or other resources to help answer your child’s difficult questions.Find a fact-based resource that helps you explain the answer(s)effectively and age-specific. (You can find a book on almost any topic these days).

Read often to your children, as long as they will allow you to. From picture books when they are small, to chapter books when they are older, reading creates a bonding experience you are both sure to enjoy. Ask your older children to take turns reading.

Make sure that your children understand what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior. Sometimes children can mis-read your messages. Explain in clear terms what it is that you expect of him or her, then ask them to explain it back to you, if necessary.

Every Child Should Hear

I AM PROUD OF YOU

As parents and caring adults, applaud the efforts of the child, not the fact that they may have achieved or not achieved. Children crave your support and blessings, and most of their behavior is towards gaining your love, approval and acceptance. I always tell my children, “Remember it is about the participating and not the winning that matters. The very fact that you are participating in the event is good enough for me”. When they tell you how they have fared, tell them how proud you are of them. Don’t compare their efforts with those of other children.

By constantly praising their efforts, children develop a healthy attitude towards their self esteem. Make them aware that will always hold the pole position as far as you are concerned, no matter what. I know it can be difficult sometimes but keep on encouraging them, and one day they will surprise you with what they have achieved and can achieve in life.

I AM SORRY

Have you ever told your child that you are sorry? Do it when you have made a mistake and see how they tell you that it is OK and that it wasn’t your fault.

To them you are perfect and when you admit that you are wrong you are showing them that you are human and you too do make mistakes. But most importantly you are teaching them that you have the courage to accept your mistake and face up to your imperfections. Accepting your own imperfections requires honesty and by apologizing to them you are helping them to learn that it is alright to be imperfect.

They learn to take ownership of their mistakes. Kids learn a lot from what we say, what we do and most importantly who we are.

I FORGIVE YOU

There is no point in teaching children to own up to their mistakes if we don’t forgive them. By saying “I forgive you” kids learn that it is alright to admit to mistakes.

No one is perfect. As parents, carers and guardians we all say things we don’t mean or do things that we shouldn’t. We waste time, break promises, forget important things and mess up. We don’t fully meet up to the expectation placed on us, including our own. Children are no different. Like us, they are humans too.

No one likes to be reminded of their mistakes and as a parent or guardian you have to find the right balance between having the children face up to the consequences of their mistakes and remember that they have feelings. It is up to you to instill in them that they are loveable despite their weaknesses and imperfections. Forgive them, don’t condemn them.

“Mock your children as they struggle and they will learn never to share their struggles with you”

I AM LISTENING TO YOU

Always listen to what your children are saying. It may be a lot of rubbish or seem unimportant to you but for them it may be the most important thing they have done for the day. How will you know your child if you never listen to what they have to say? You might even learn a thing or two from them. I do.

Your interest in what they have to say will ensure your child that you are interested in them. You will get an insight into their personality and who they are on the inside. Always reflect back to them what they have said to you as this is their confirmation that you have been listening to them. If necessary you can then guide, advice, praise and encourage them accordingly.

As they become teenagers, it becomes even more difficult to get through to them. If you have always been on a good communication level, you will be able to influence them and help them in making their own decisions about situations.

Always listen earnestly to what your children have to say, no matter what. If you don’t listen to their little stuff when they are small, they will not tell you about the big stuff when they grow up because to them all of it has been big stuff.

THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

We all learn from our mistakes. Likewise children also learn from their mistakes. Let them take responsibility for their decisions, wise or not and let them learn from them. This not only shows your trust in them to do what is right but also you are teaching them to lead their own lives.

Don’t solve their problems for them, but give them your support; let them take responsibility and guide them through. They will quickly learn what actions have positive results and which ones have a negative one.

Kids have Favorite Time

When the atmosphere of the family becomes unsound, it is better create quality time to each of our kid. Our children crave for attention. The reason that we need to give them our undivided attention is for them to feel secure. Whatever happens, we should see to it that we are always there for them.

As parents, we can ease our kids’ fears, worries and hurts. When we give them our full attention, they feel safe to open up and share with us their worst fears and pains.

As parents we should show our selfless love to our children especially when they are still very young. They demand more of our time, energy and patience. But we also need to set boundaries. We need to learn how to say no when things get out of hand. We might feel drained. Failing to resolve the unmet needs of our kids might lead to resentment.

We need to be spontaneous in building bonds with our kids. Once our kids feel that we neglect them, it is difficult to repair the emotional gap that we created. When we give our kids our undivided attention, we should focus our minds to them not elsewhere. Kids are very sensitive. They can easily sense our uneasiness.

It’s also a lot easier to spend quality time with our kids when we are all doing together something we enjoy.

As a single mom, I see to it that I can spend quality time with my kids despite my tight schedule. Raising kids alone is not an easy task.

During my vacant time, I see to it that we can really bond. Our quality time usually involves internet surfing and playing online games, biking, dancing and going to gymnasium together. Sometimes, we watch cartoon shows together. Even if I do not like to watch these types of shows, but for the sake of my kids, I learn to enjoy the show because they love it.

Not all the times we give to our kids are quality times. But no matter how little the time we spend with our kids, the bottom line is the quality and not the quantity.

Grateful Families

Grateful families spend quality time together. Children need to be held by a loving family in order to feel nurtured and supported, which in turn, will show them how to love and care for others. By spending quality time together, free of distractions, kids of all ages will bond more deeply with parents while learning empathy at the same time. Without empathy, there can be no gratitude.

Grateful families are generous. When people are fulfilled and thankful for all that they have, they are more giving. Their cup is full and they want to share their wealth of love and gratitude with others. The more often you give, the more often you will want to give again.

Grateful families practice gratitude daily. It’s not always innate, so parents need to teach children by practicing grateful behaviour in everyday interactions. It will become a habit for kids when they see it modelled by their parents. Encourage children to volunteer to help those less fortunate, to appreciate what they have, and to be giving and thoughtful to their friends. Teach them the concept of “pay it forward.”

Grateful families know the value of hard work and discipline. Kids must learn to work for their achievements, whether they’re doing chores around the house, taking care of a pet, or doing a school project. It will be easier to feel thankful for what they have, when they have put their own blood, sweat and tears into it. Parents must resist the urge to give their kids everything – material or physical – and always discipline them with love. Remember, you’re their parent and guardian, not their best friend, so be consistent with discipline to earn their respect.

Teach Kids about Home Security

Educate about when to answer the door:

If your descendants are alone and the need to answer the door, they should know that they have to look through the peephole first to see if it is a known face or not. And, if it is an unknown face, then they should answer through the intercom or open the door with the door chain latched. Also, while communicating with the stranger, children should inform that their parents are in the neighborhood or have gone to some nearby market and will be back in a few minutes, thus, requesting the person to come again later.

Train them how to answer the calls:

When you are away and your little darlings receive a call, they should be edified not to give their details on the phone rather, ask for the name of the person on the other side and take down the message. Also, they shouldn’t let the fact get conveyed to the other person that they are alone at home. Instead, they can portray that their elders are occupied with some important work and will get back to them soon.

Display Good Behavior:

Do things that you want your kids to grasp. They learn what they see. So, try to display things through your behavior first like closing doors & windows before leaving the house. Parents may even involve their offspring in these tasks as well.

Make your Kids learn the Emergency Numbers:

Tell your children about 911 and other emergency contact numbers, including your number and numbers of some trusted people. Guardians can even pen down these numbers and keep them besides land line phone. Also, making them learn the home address by heart can be pretty useful specifically in case they call 911 and they have to convey operator about it.

Install and Instruct about the Security Systems:

Positioning security systems like security alarms, security cameras, etc. will give you peace of mind when you are out. As children are mischievous, thus, they might end up doing some pranks or something naughty which you might not be happy about. And, to hide their activities they might deactivate the cameras for a while. So, instruct your kids strictly not to tamper with the security cameras. Also, share with them how to arm and disarm the alarm systems.

Unknown Parcels should not be accepted:

Kids should be guided not to accept any courier parcel which they don’t know about or for which their parents didn’t mention anything beforehand.

Eating Out With Kids

Consider their ages and stages. If your kids are school-aged and have been taught table manners, by all means, take them to a nice place. If your kids are still little and learning, please take them to a fast food place or teach them some manners at home! Emily Post has great advice. Kids should be taught to sit quietly and eat or participate in conversation, but not everyone is like me and has dinner around the table just about every night. I think children need opportunities to behave in a restaurant, but start small and slow before taking them someplace they’ll embarrass you or cause a scene.

Consider your purpose. Why are you planning to go to a restaurant? Is there some family event or are you just trying to avoid cooking dinner? Family gatherings can be fun, but make sure kids are included in the invite. (Here’s where a flexible caregiver can help!) If you just don’t want to cook, think frozen food, or at least choose a restaurant that is family-oriented, which leads to my second piece of advice.

Consider your options. So you’re going out. Where to take the family? Choose family – friendly as opposed to fancy when you’re taking the kids. Most chain restaurants are very family friendly, as are many locally-owned places. Please think about your fellow-diners when choosing where to take your children. If your kids will need toys and videos to occupy them while they wait, stay away from upscale places! If my husband and I are having a date night at a fancy place, we definitely don’t want to be interrupted by your cuties or have to listen to the latest kids’ movie either.

Must know about Kids And Respect

Being quiet in a library so that others can read.

Following your parents rules to show them that you care about them and how they feel about the situation.

Not hitting or calling people names because that could hurt them or hurt their feelings.

Dress, talk and act in a way that shows that you care about yourself and others.

Realize that everyone else looks, speaks, thinks and acts different and it is alright to show that you care about them and their feelings.

Standing up for the Pledge of Allegiance or bowing your head in prayer.

These are all simple ways for you to explain this to a child in a way that they can understand. Let’s all work on teaching our children what it means to treat others the way that you want to be treated. In our society today children are not motivated to do anything other than sit in front of a television, play video games, tweet or text on their phones. I remember as a child that we were outside ninety percent of the time playing and getting exercise. I think that we need to go back to those days when we didn’t have all of the technology that we have today. I know that children are learning a lot of their behavior from these other sources as well as not being taught. I think that if they are out in the community where they have to socialize with others and interact with everyone else in their community then they will be able to see that we are all different and that we can all help one another when it is needed. This will help them to learn how to treat others and to show some compassion as well as learn how they want others to treat them.

Info of Parental Homework Anxiety

Delegate. If you know that the daily routine of homework will inevitably end up with someone in tears, pass this job onto someone else. There is an Ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself”, which rings true in almost every facet of life, including parental homework anxiety. There is no shame in knowing your strengths as a parent, and the things that are just not your “cup of tea”. And, if homework brings about stress and chaos, delegate it out! Perhaps your partner can take on this task, or maybe an older sibling, a babysitter, or another family member can become the designated “Homework Helper”.

Multitask. I am well aware that it isn’t always feasible to delegate out the job of “Homework Helper”. In situations where the bulk of the job falls on your shoulders, and yours alone, find something else to do during homework time. At my oldest child’s first Back to School Night in kindergarten, I remember the teacher saying that homework is for the child to do, NOT THE PARENT. This seems pretty obvious. But, how often do we, as parents, get frustrated that our child doesn’t know all of the answers? Remember, homework is not supposed to be done perfectly. It helps the teacher to see how much the child has retained and where reinforcement might be needed. In fact, many elementary schools do not allow children to use erasers on their homework because teachers want to see what the children know, not what they have erased and then corrected. While this makes sense, how can we work this into an actual practice? So often, children sit down to do their homework and say “I need help”, before they even try to do the work on their own. We certainly can’t ignore their requests for help, can we? Well, why not make your child’s homework time the same time that you get something else done nearby? Perhaps your child aways does homework at the kitchen table, you can use that time to check email, write out bills, cook dinner- this way, you are in the same room as your child and you are available to help to clarify directions, but, it is clear that the homework is your child’s job, and you have a job to do, also.

You are not alone. Just browse Facebook for an hour, and you will see that this is a struggle for many parents. As with any anxiety provoking situation, in the midst of it, breathe. I am a big proponent of deep breathing. I find that inhaling over a count of four, holding it for a count of four and exhaling over a count of four, helps a great deal when you are starting to feel at your wit’s end. This may need to be repeated several times, depending on the level of frustration or anxiety that you feel. I also think it’s great when parents can support one another, so, reach out to friends and family. Who knows? Maybe a friend has a helpful technique that works for her. And, if nothing else, venting to someone close to you can help. When you choose to show your vulnerability and own your struggle, it opens the door to real connection. And, who cannot benefit from that?

Stop Praising

Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child’s failures. Parents often continue to praise the intelligence and insists the kid will do better next time.

Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker studies this exact scenario and explains that the child may come to believe failure is something so terrible; the family can’t acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them.

Cloninger has trained rats and mice in mazes to have persistence by carefully notrewarding them when they get to the finish. “The key is intermittent reinforcement,” says Cloninger. The brain has to learn that frustrating spells can be worked through. “A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.”

No, praise them differently! Recognize the effort, hard work and process. Let’s say every night your child (12-year-old boy) has math homework and is supposed to read a book aloud. Each takes about fifteen minutes if he concentrates, but he’s easily distracted. You should praise him for concentrating without asking to take a break. If he listens to instructions carefully, praise him for that. After soccer games, praise him for looking to pass, rather than just saying, “You played great.” And if he worked hard to get to the ball, raise the effort he applied.