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Monthly Archives: July 2018

Tips Raise Kids Right Way

1 – Put parenting first:

Once you’re a parent, you have to learn to put your priorities below your children’s, and to make the sacrifice to spending more of your day caring for them than you do caring for yourself.

2 – Don’t aim for perfection:

According to a study, new parents who believe society expects perfection from them are more stressed and less confident in their parenting skills.

3 – Be good to your sons, Mamas:

A warm, attached relationship with mom seems important in preventing behavior problems in sons, even more so than in girls, the research found.

A close relationship with their mothers can help keep boys from acting out.

4 – Eat dinner as a family:

The dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values.

5 – Tend to your mental health:

Research suggests that depressed moms struggle with parenting and even show muted responses to their babies’ cries compared with healthy moms.

According to researches, kids raised by these mothers are more easily stressed out by the preschool years.

6 – Give your child enough play time every day:

“Play time” does not mean having your child sit in front of the TV while you do the dishes.

It means letting your child sit in his room or play area and to actively engage with stimulating toys while you help him explore their possibilities

7 – Be positive:

Parents who express negative emotions toward their infants or handle them roughly are likely to find themselves with aggressive kindergartners.

Behavioral aggression at age 5 is linked to aggression later in life, even toward future romantic partners.

8 – Joking helps:

When parents joke and pretend, it gives young kids the tools to think creatively, make friends and manage stress.

Some Life Skills to Teach Kids

Social Awareness and Manners

Impart social and conversational skills from a young age by letting kids join in on adult gatherings from time to time. Don’t make a habit of always segregating your children from the adults – they can learn a lot about etiquette, social cues and the art of conversation from watching grown-ups. These settings are also a good time to work on basic manners including the consistent use of “please,” “thank you,” “pardon me,” as well as proper dining etiquette.

Respect for Others

Children learn respect from their family and it starts with family members caring for each other’s physical space, thoughts, interests and needs. When kids feel that what’s important to them is held in high regard by others, they will be able to emulate the same respect for their family and peers.

All Things Nature

Instill a lifelong love of the outdoors and of nature by spending plenty of time in the fresh air, in all kinds of weather. Let your kids climb trees at the park, plant seedlings in the garden, feed the birds in your backyard and jump in rain puddles on the street. All ages love summer camping, day hiking and picnics by the lake. When you give your kids a lot of exposure to our beautiful planet, it will make them appreciate it more and want to protect it for future generations.

Good Hygiene

Start early to create good hygiene habits that will stay with your kids forever – from teaching proper hand washing and teeth brushing techniques to tots, to encouraging daily bathing for sweaty teens. Make learning daily habits fun for young kids by singing, using props and giving out reward stickers. Good hygiene sets them up for good health and well-being in later life.

Food Preparation

Get your kids in the kitchen early, helping to select meals, prep food and cook with you. My son learned to prepare snacks with his classmates in preschool and loved it. He’s been comfortable in our kitchen ever since and is not afraid to use a knife, stir a pot or get his hands dirty. Start by showing them how to make simple soups and pastas and work your way up to more complicated dishes.

Smart Shopping and Saving

Show your children the difference between whole foods and processed foods, how to eat in season and how to be savvy shoppers. Talk to them about brand versus non-brand, retail versus wholesale, and how to budget their money. Even young kids can save money in their piggy banks and learn how to bargain at a garage sale. Older children can open a bank account, start saving and help with shopping and errands.

Consequences Poor Parenting

The worse case scenario would involve an unwanted child coming into this world in the absence of love and affection. This is a child who will not only fail to thrive, but might die a premature death during Childhood.

Poor parenting might include a measure of love and affection, but will too often fail to leave the child feeling that those needs are being adequately satisfied. Parental neglect and/or authoritarian parenting practices (invariably including spanking as a punishment) are the major causes of parents failing to meet the emotional needs of their children to feel loved and accepted.

Show me a child who has been failed in having their emotional needs adequately satisfied, and I’ll show you a child who is prone to missing out on a healthy process of emotional growth and development. The negative consequences are myriad and can range from sociopathy/psychopathy to inadequate empathy, to anger issues, to low self-esteem, to clinical depression, to criminal behavior, to homelessness, or, simply, to a miserable existence.

The degree of long-term harm caused by poor parenting is dependent on the degree of unsatisfied emotional need the child has suffered.

I’ve worked with kids who felt their parent/s could not have really loved them based on the way they were treated, but experienced rich nurturing from other sources, such as relatives, or nannies. These were the kids who made the best candidates to overcome the poor parenting they had suffered.

True enough, many of us have overcome poor parenting to the extent that we can get by in the world, or even live a happy life. But, sadly, there are many others of us who are never provided the opportunity to overcome the harm suffered.

Simple Coach Your Child

Empathize with him.

Feel his feelings and go to them with understanding and kind words, like:

“I can see this really bothers you”
“How do you feel about it?”
“It really hurts, doesn’t it?”

Knowing you understand and appreciate what he’s going through, helps him feel better.

Ask, “How would you like to solve it?”

After you’ve taken care of his feelings and when you’re sure he’s ready to think about solutions, show your belief in him. Instead of you giving a bunch of suggestions, ask for his. This helps him become his own problem solver.

Do your best to control any tendency to jump in. Believing in your child’s ability strengthens him and your relationship.

Listen.

Use your third ear. That’s the ear that hears what’s underneath the thoughts and feelings. Listen for what he isn’t saying. Appreciate his good ideas too.

Let’s say he answers, “I could tell my teacher the truth.”

“Good, anything else?” you ask.

If he says, “No,” then go on to Step 5.

Make a suggestion.

Because you’ve listened, cared about his feelings, and heard his solution, he’s more likely to accept your ideas.

You might mention, “You could ask your teacher to let you retake the test.”

Let’s say he agrees but wants you to go with him. Your answer will depend on his age. If you think he’s mature enough to handle it by himself say, “Let’s see how you do, first.” Why? If it works out well, he’ll feel more confident.

Encourage your child to act.

With your child, role-play ways he can talk with his teacher. When he feels comfortable and is ready, encourage him to do it.

Assure him that you’ll check back to see how it went. You might also say, “I believe in you.”

Education Begins in Home

Teachers recognize this more than any other professional group because it is in their classroom that they experience the consequences, good or bad, of what children learn at home. Hence, teachers at every new school year establish classroom rules in an attempt to ensure a universal law of acceptable social conduct.

As a tenet, parents are responsible for whether or not children succeeds academic. Without ignoring a child’s predetermine abilities, they must project clear positive expectations concerning school. As these expectations take form, parents should remember that children mimic what they see and hear. Hence, they should avoid making negative comments concerning their children’s teacher and or school. Parents cannot demand that their children perform well academically when homework assignments are not completed, and social events are prioritized over establishing appropriate bedtime routine for school age children.

There is no denying that a child will act out, usually this begins at pre-K through kindergarten levels. When left unchecked by parents, acting out, becomes a norm for a child. When established as a habit, the disruptive behavior hinders the child’s academic success. Parents should not expect teachers to teach their children proper conduct and yet the burden of learning these skills sits heavily on the shoulders of many teachers.

When a child acts out and the parent ignores the behavior, the child learns to devalue the importance of the teacher, the school and ultimately learning. Parent who do not understand the value and importance of early prevention will have an uphill battle as the child attends secondary schools. Laying a strong education foundation consist of the child, parent, and teacher working together in a respectfully academic world of cooperation. Teachers cannot do it all.

Bonding With Children

When you have your own chores to do, keep them busy when they are around. Ask them to color pictures in drawing books; give them clay so that they enjoy making stuffs. But to have this upper hand, you initially need to invest your time in teaching them how to do them. Once they get it, they will be engaged and do them on their own and you are free to do your own stuff.

Of course, by age six or seven, it will be high time for them to attend school. So they will need some help with homework. Let them work on their own first based on what they have learnt in school. Then you can correct their concepts if they make a mistake or two.

They also need to have fun outside of home in mother-nature environment. It can be a park to play on swings, see-saws and merry-go-rounds or a nearby pond to feed the ducks. During summer/winter holidays, it is up to you to decide ahead of time with your spouse how you are going to spend these vacations in an exciting way for the benefit of the children especially, within a budget that suits you well. I would say vacationing to a beach in summer or visiting Disneyland would be great for children. If that isn’t possible, just enjoy your time in another friend’s place some distance away and let your children spend some creative time. That family can then come to your place the following summer or winter.

Children grow up fast. So while they are still children, give them the best lessons and teach those in a way that is easy and convenient for them to grasp. You need to bring up children who can make good choices in life. Of course, they will make mistakes and they will learn from them. However, you do have a responsibility to help them face life by age eighteen so that they are well equipped physically and mentally.

When they grow up and you hand over them away in marriage, you will feel like losing some gem pieces of your life but that is life and you will be fine as time will show. However, you will be united occasionally in family get-together parties. You will have grand children and you will have much to celebrate.

My advice to young parents would be: treat your child well, teach them good moral values and discipline and give them a good education and at the same time, also prepare them to face adversities of life boldly and confidently. And they will be fine. On the other hand, you will be happy because you know you have done your very best.

Determining Parenting Plan

  • Sit down privately with the other parent to discuss matters between yourselves:
  • If you are concerned about behavior and still want to discuss things directly with the other parent, choose a public place to meet or include a mutually agreed upon person to join you. This can be someone you both trust in a professional capacity, your clergy, a counselor, a mutual friend (who is able to remain neutral);
  • Meet with a trained counselor whose expertise is helping separated parents communicate between themselves;
  • Meet with a mediator whose expertise includes working with separated parents. A mediator is a professional whose expertise is helping people in conflict reach agreements between themselves by working with them together, even though the notion can be anxiety producing. You only need to be willing to try. You don’t have to believe that yourself or the other parent will actually come to an agreement. In fact, more often than not, people who attend mediation are of the opinion that it is “the other person” who will not be ale to reach an agreement, yet most matters do settle or at least are narrowed down by the process;
  • Retain “collaborative” lawyers and sign a participation agreement. Collaborative lawyers are trained in helping people find solutions to their differences without the threat of going to court. Like mediators, they work outside of the court system and can help you craft specific agreements taking into account the particulars of your situation. Also like mediation, collaborative lawyers and parents meet and work together to arrive at mutually acceptable solutions;
  • Lawyer assisted negotiation is more for those persons who will not meet together. Each parent tells their own lawyer their view of the situations and what they hope to achieve. The lawyers then negotiate between themselves on your behalf. With this approach, you may never know how well your lawyer represented your situation and you may not be privy to their actual communication with the other lawyer. In the hands of a killed negotiator who themselves will remain civil, respectful and not inordinately demanding but conciliatory, this can lead to a resolution. However, this approach is at risk of actually inflaming conflict and the parents will likely never achieve the degree of specificity they may desire because the lawyers will never be as intimately connected to your situation. If you use this approach, ask to read every letter your lawyer sends on your behalf before it is sent. Angry demand letters produce angry demanding responses. Know what is being sent as those letters will represent you to the other parent. Unfortunately, in many cases, lawyer assisted negotiation increases conflict and is a prelude to litigation

Become Ideal Parent

As parents we would never wish ill on our children. In fact, the mere idea of their suffering can make us break out in a cold sweat. We work hard day in and day out to provide a safe, stable environment, and we attempt to give them as many opportunities as we can possibly find. We want our children to live in a beautiful, cheerful world of smiles and splendor. Our love is unconditional and deep. We can watch them sleep and feel our hearts melt. God has given us a great blessing with our children, and we do our best to cherish that blessing with every fiber of our beings.

Every one of us encountered trials and tribulations; unforeseen problems or consequences that may give us pause. Not one of us is exempt from this hard reality. We would not wish for a new cross or hardship to carry, but we would rather it be our suffering than our child’s burden. There are two important points to consider when obstacles arise: 1) adversity can lead to strength and 2) how our own endurance of hardship becomes a model for our children.

Time after time, we can see people fighting through their circumstances to bring something beautiful to life. Watching our children suffer disappointments, not getting invited to a classmate’s birthday party or not making an important team, is painful. However, disappointment is a necessary part of growing up.

Modeling appropriate behavior when things don’t go our way teaches our kids to handle disappointments. For example, you have taken your child on a wonderful vacation. At the end, you ask how he enjoyed the respite, only to hear “It was OK, but a lot of it was boring.” You may be crushed, but you can’t force your own expectations about spending quality time together on your child. The key is to not overreact with a hurtful response, but instead to ask a specific question such as “What was your favorite part of the vacation?” This type of redirection will encourage your
child to see the good parts of the experience. It’s important to step back and let the child use these new skills allowing him to be responsible for his/her own feelings.

Help your child find his/her strengths. One of the most common disappointments children faced is feeling they are not as good as their peers.Failure can turn into a blessing. It can be a motivator to study harder, to practice harder, or to attempt a different approach.

Success is not always about winning, it is more often about finding another path. Help your child find something he or she can be good at that matches his/her interests. If that is not an option, find another way to approach the goal that takes advantage of his/her abilities.